October is national Domestic Violence month. The designation of this month is meant to focus attention and increase awareness of the existence of domestic violence. We often just see this as a problem wherein a man is violent to a woman. But this is not the case. The sad fact is that far too many children live each day with the unstated threat that something might set off the abuse. Far too many children will go to bed tonight with welts and bruises on their bodies or with bruises on their memory from seeing and knowing that someone has done some terrible things to someone they love while they listened or saw it and knew they were powerless to stop it.

In our county, as in every county, there have been serious assaults as a result of domestic violence. Assaults and even homicides within the definition of domestic violence have occurred. Teachers and school personnel sometimes see the bruises and welts, but commonly, children are kept at home when there are marks that someone might see and inquire about. The parents of such children make up excuses and lie about sickness and absences from school. They teach the children never to tell anyone about what happens at home. The children end up living in a private hell of abuse with no apparent way of escape. It is only when abused children finally gain the maturity or courage to disclose the abuse that there is any hope of rescue or stopping the abuse.

In addition to these serious assaults, there are many incidents of less serious abuse that are reported, but the sad truth is that there are probably many more incidents that are not reported. Many incidents are not reported the victims are ashamed and keep the secret. Battered children who have no one else to turn to, and battered spouses truly love the abuser and because they are forgiving people, they accept the profuse apologies and promises that it will never happen again. Or sometimes they accept false responsibility for what happened and blame themselves for whatever they did to set off the abuser. Abusers typically blame anyone but themselves for what they do.

If you are suffering from domestic violence, or someone you know is a victim or an abuser, or if you see suspicious bruises or marks on a child, please contact a counselor, a police agency, a friend, or a pastor. Tell someone about what you know or suspect. The Family Support Center is there to help. You do not need to deal with this alone. Trained workers will support and guide you through the process to a better life. We are all in this life together. Together we can make a difference if we try.